euu typedd*: blog

Wednesday, August 29, 2007
3:26 PM

...

when life just sux to the core... when u c no point in living anymore... whatever you do, no matter how much effort you put in... it's still the same outcome - a total failure... i wish i can just sleep now... sleep over my problems... sleep over this life of harsh realities... sleep with sweet dreams... sleep...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, August 25, 2007
3:43 PM

what else can i say?

lots has happened in the past wk... too many i can't recall everything... i just know it hasn't been a gud wk at all... my flute's really sucky now cos my embrochure i just realised has been made into a utterly wrong habit (it's slanted now, that's y my posture is always so tilted)... haiz... it's a gud thing i realised it but the thing it is really a very bad time for me to realise it as i'm gonna has my practicals soon n too correct an embrochure would take far too much time... it's just like destroying my whole lipping and building it up again, which i desparately don't have time for... the worse is it's in the midst of correcting half way n i neither can go back to the wrong embrochure (which at least still produces some tone) nor achieve a gud new emborchure! haiz... i'm really gonna screw my entire life up... i'm not exaggerating when i say i have no tone in my low notes cos it's really that bad, I CAN'T EVEN MAKE A SOUND OUT OF IT!!!!!! i'm not talkinga bout tone here, i'm talking about SOUND!!!! it's like trying to reach high notes but yet not getting it, just the air...

flute's messed up, open day's messed up too... ended up daniel and wensi did almost everything to make the band look at least presentable... i cocked up the whole open plans, made everybody decorate their walls last minute, put so much pressure and fatigue on them... just because of my last-minuteness... i really dunno... how far will i still screw the band up... ho's not very happy with me, neither is the band... shouted at the band to move for morn assembly n i really regretted it... i wished i had not done so... screwed up strings performance at lt5 ytd... aquarium was a intonation failure... bird was a total failure... finale was no beta... my section did the whole corner themselves n i didn't bother to help at all... bumblebee was a crazy idea that nvr worked... the band could self-function without me... made the band move risers for nothing...

my life's just a mess... i really wish to revert back to the old days when i just have to play the flute and bond with my section and just have fun... those were the days... the beautiful days...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, August 18, 2007
10:34 PM

help me...

someone please help me... i'm losing everything... my flute sounds like shit... totally wrong embrochure now becos of headtiltting... haiz can't change it back to normal... help... i really dun wanna go on like that... diaphragm power non existent... technique's a total mess... how to play for open day like that?!?! help... pls... help...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Friday, August 17, 2007
10:10 PM

life goes on... as usually bad...

so many things has happened this week, and my week wasn't entirely good at all... first shock, miss tan was fired from a conductress of chssb... really sad, how some people only look at superficial results and fired her just because... i can just say the band has really lost a great musician, really one of the greatest i've ever seen... i won't comment on whether it was her fault or what but as humans we all deviate from the path sometimes without realising it... oh well that's life...

on tue went to tsai lao shi's house but ended up realising all my mistakes - EVERYTHING THAT I WAS DOING WAS A MISTAKE!!!!! haiz... i'm not exaggerating at all ok?!?! haiz when will i ever learn?

den on wednesday, got caught for ponning caal... to think when the teacher came in we continued playing our instruments as if nothing had happened! anyway it was kinda fun and k-cube didn't find out, til so far... after that was the open day tech run which non-existent in the first place, then became of importance and was cancelled again... the band was really slow, which is very bad... asked them to report back at 4.30 they were still strolling in at 4.40... during rehearsal not serious at all, making a fun out of everything... i noe now is not like super crucial period and it's really ok to crack jokes every now and then and keep the spirit high but it was too much... haiz... instant concert still needs lots of work...

3rd, colours award dumped on the band... suppose to be the ic of program and performance which is really bad cos that's where most (if not all) of the sai kang lies... supposed to be shut down friday but i ended up leaving sku only at like 6 plus... n the stupid traffic was really bad and i waited til 7 to finally get on a bus.. haiz... den nobody to accompany me... haiz... i hate to say this but life really sux to the core now... i so wish for hols where i really can enjoy every moment of life...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Friday, August 10, 2007
6:55 PM

maybe... someday...

all good things come to an end... as much as i dun wish for them to... like it or not memories will fade... it first starts with you preferring company of your new environment and friends, then you start placing priorities and ignore your true old friends, until u ultimately throw them into the back of your brain, never to be retrieved again... if u're lucky (or unlucky, depends on how u perceive it) u might just catch a glimpse of those photos again while packing up your room, and suddenly the memories swarm back to u as if it was just ytd, and u suddenly regret, "why didn't I treasure those moments then?"

maybe, someday i'll totally forget clean all these childhood memories i have and enjoy now... maybe, i'll totally forget my entire chicken section - guo mama, saw, ant, lump, xy... maybe, someday i'll make new friends and wipe these memories of genuine happiness off my biological hard drive... i hope not but who noes? who can predict the future? maybe when i'm old i might be senile or have alzhimers n forget even who my family members are... it's really scary just to think all that u have known for all your life will be just gone like that... the smiles, the laughter, the friendship, and kinship...

someday u might just c me on the streets but walk past me without acknowledgment, simply because u have forgotten me or our relationship probably dates back too long ago to be of any significance... dun worry, i won't blame u... it's not your fault, it's just what this world has moulded u into - a success craver that just passes from day to day trying hard to survive and make a name for yourself, thinking that u noe and are doing everything important in this world but actually neglecting every single important on the face of this earth... again i say it's not your fault and i won't blame u at all... so likewise if i happen to do the same to u, please forgive and if it's within your means, please bring me back, not to the right path defined by this world, but to the humane path defined by your heart...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Wednesday, August 8, 2007
2:23 PM

time to move on...

thx guo mama!!!! for the letter!!!! maybe it's time i woke up from this dream and move on...

maybe it's all just part and parcel of life... to experience the downs b4 u savour the ups!!!! i will just have to tide through every crisis facing me, if not i'll nvr reach where i want to... ytd i went for my chssb concert n finally got to see miss tan conducting again... for those who have nvr seen her conducting b4 it's really a lost... cos she taught me alot of things through her conducting that i probably wouldn't be the MUSICIAN i am now!!!! she's not like any other conductor that just goes up to work on the technique or goes on the podium to beat time LIKE SOME CONDUCTORS DO!!!! she really makes music, bringing little aspects of life into music and making music come to life!!!! she knows no limits to expression of music and is one of the only conductors i have seen go ALL THE WAY just to make music, NOT BEING RESTRICTED BY STUPID UNWRITTEN RULES OR NONSENSICAL COMMON PRACTICES!!!! seeing her conduct ytd really made me think y do i want to conduct again... y did i even want to take up conducting in the first place? no doubt i have lost almost all of it now but seeing her in action really makes me inspired once again... i realise what i've been playing now is not at all music... far from it... when will i ever be a true musician? "A conductor or performer may be technically brilliant, but what matters is him being human." - Karajan

anyways, today was ndc (national day celebration)... yupp as expected spent the whole day in the band room... first playing cards... practiced a VERY LITTLE BIT of flute and finally realised my airspeed was really not fast at all... somebody HELP ME INCREASE MY AIRSPEED!!!! without airspeed all the music is really DEAD!!!!! (yes my flute tutor said that, n i doubted it at first, but den i began to realise the beauty of airspeed in music making!!!!! cos first having gud fast airpeed means ur diaphragm is providing VERY GUD support!!!!! two... hey i'm not gonna start a flute lesson cos i cmi myself!!!!) yipee glad that lisa is fine again (at least she looks fine to me today, as compared to ytd!!!!) and guo mama has somewhat recovered!!!! n ENJOYED PLAYING CARDS WITH U GUYS!!!!!! luv ya ppl!!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Monday, August 6, 2007
10:50 AM

in my own lala land...

i'm not growing up at all... still living in my own world, not progressing, not accepting, still being ever so childish...

anyway ytd was strings concert, MUSIQUE!!!! oh well i didn't play too well either... an outsider can't tell that i screwed up, but an insider sure would know how bad it was... not sure y but i suddenly went out of breath at the wrong places for the 'bird' movement n had to breathe n end up was half a beat slower than the orchestra!!!! den was so fast that i skip so many notes and tonguing became back to the airy crap... IT AIN'T GUD AT ALL!!!! den 'finale' i tink i got too excited and rushed like mad on the picc.... oh well... Y AM I ALWAYS SCREWING UP PPL'S CONCERTS?!?! FIRST WAS THE PIANO WORKS CONCERT!!!! DEN GUO AND SAW'S FINAL ETUDE!!!! NOW THIS!!!!

alrite... dun wish to talk anymore... the pictures shall do the talking... not much though...

daniel was doing some funny movements on his hand... so typical of him...

grace and daniel feasting on jelly beans...

grace and her 2 act-kawaii bodyguards...

eugene-onegin and hush-fruties...

grace (dunn doing wat)

grace again avoiding camera shot

onegin and his act tao face

eugene again

me and ying rui... she was damn pro that day!!!!

daniel and his closed eyes...

daniel and me... for once officially he was a glockenspiel player...

me and grace... she was really hyperactive the whole day and not tired at all...

me and lauren... she was like breaking down after the first half... COME ON U DID WELL!!!!

me and mr seow!!!! I REALLY MUST THANK HIM FOR ALL THE PRACTICES HE HAD WITH ME!!!! TELLING ME THAT MY BIRD REALLY CAN'T FLY!!!!!

last but not least!!!! THE BAND GANG AT MUSIQUE!!!!

thx mama!!!! i really appreciate your concern!!!! jia you for ur prelims and a's!!!!
haiz the memories of etude are haunting me again... i really miss my chicken section...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Friday, August 3, 2007
11:37 PM

no different from a living dead...

nothing is working out... 2 more days to collapse at strings concert... i dun wanna screw up their concert... band not coming for morn assembly and prac on time... screw them... i really dun wan to implement any punishment system on them... pls dun force it off my hand... mama, recover faster ya? i'm trying very hard to prac harpie liaoz... den now harpie oso cannot, flute oso cannot... haiz... dead tired liaoz... i dun wanna go on anymore... i dunno when i'll just collapse...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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