Friday, September 28, 2007
10:31 PM
10:31 PM
hmmm... wierd...
i've been having really wierd dreams lately... and it's even more strange that it's quite eteched deep in my mind even after i wake up... is it really 日有所思, 夜有所梦? and i've been dreaming of the people close around me... yupp i did dream of my section, YES u people!!!!! :) it was really wierd cos i dun noe how we ever ended up in US!!!!!! we were supposed to have dinner there... haha n some were still in Singapore... erm... really i dun understand how it ended up here and there... on the whole it looked as if the story fits but when i go into the details it doesn't make any sense at all... n i dreamt of ng joon hong and my classmates too... i dunno y but i dreamt of him bringing us breakfast... funny... oh well maybe the promos has made me go mad!!!!! WHAHAHAHAAAHAHA!!!!!!
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
6:16 PM
6:16 PM
screw promos...
just did 2 maths papers today... both are SUPER CARELESS... dunno what's wrong with me... i didn't use to be so careless... crap... den ended up losing like almost 15 marks for carelessness... screw promos... decided to give up on chem!!!!!! really cmi liaoz... rather do well for physics... wish me luck... (if i ever had it)
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Sunday, September 23, 2007
4:19 PM
4:19 PM
"Photograph"
listen here
Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head
And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me...
listen here
Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head
And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me...
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, September 22, 2007
11:26 PM
11:26 PM
are u starting to hate me more now? or do u already hate me to the core? oh well... u would experience it... sooner or later... just live with it... i'm just another b******...
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Friday, September 21, 2007
6:23 PM
6:23 PM
i'm just a f***ing asshole...
music practical has ended...
after so many days of B***** hard work...
it was a F***ing screw up!!!!!
the worse is...
i realise i don't just screw myself up...
i totally suck as a friend...
practised for this prac for barely 2 wks... took up so much of their time... their precious time to mug... made them so tired... made them so irritated and frustrated and upset... made them think they screwed up my prac when I WAS THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY COCKED THE WHOLE THING UP!!!! made them so busy for nothing... made them feel so anxious and so sorry... SORRY FOR WHAT?!?!?!?! I'M THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO SAY SO!!!!!! i dunno... i hope i won't have to call upon ur help anymore... not cause i don't want to... i dun wanna drag anymore ppl down... made them stay til so late doing nothing and getting so tired... n in the end they had to come up with all ways to get my attn away from that... i'm really... really sorry...
i'm upset not because i know my marks will suffer... as a true musician... u know there is no such thing as a perfect moment... music is never made... it's always in the making... n more often then not miracles always occur in rehearsals not performances or exams... the marks are of secondary importance... the most important thing is i didn't make my mark... i didn't match up to what i could... i knew very well i could have practised much harder and done much more and better... but i just didn't do it... it wasn't my best at all... far from it... totally far... it just so hurts because i knew that was rubbish i played... total crap... the band broke down after syf not because we didn't get a gwh... but because we knew we could have done much better... n now it not only affects me... i've brought down 2 other ppl with me... in the midst of their promos... in the midst of the very important time of the year... i'm really an asshole... wasted their time... wasted their energy... they had to mug at unconventional times in unconventional environments...
also read lhh's blog today... he was complaining about me and llh... realised i such a jerk... sometimes the things i most feared would occur in me has already occurred... i'm just trying to be as nice a person as possible... but perhaps there is no such thing as true kindness and beauty of character... deep down inside i still am that selfish, arrogant, inconsiderate bastard... he is probably rite... i act a 'mr nice guy' (if u even consider me nice) on the outside but ain't no nice guy on the inside... every since sec3 i knew very well all who work with me would probably end up hating me to the core... i dunno but somehow i can feel it... even if it's not hate... but the sense of closeness is never there anymore... DT... lhh... xy... no more there... sometimes i just sense something is wrong... very wrong... n i noe it's not because of them... cos the fault all lies with me... n probably this blog is even a facade... a face... a platform for me to gain pity... to gain sympathy... to... for the benefit of my selfishness... i'm still some 2-faced f-ing bastard asshole deep down under...
stabat mater is really a heart wrenching piece... some ppl can just sacrifice for the whole world yet i can't even do anything for some dear friends but instead drag them down...
after so many days of B***** hard work...
it was a F***ing screw up!!!!!
the worse is...
i realise i don't just screw myself up...
i totally suck as a friend...
practised for this prac for barely 2 wks... took up so much of their time... their precious time to mug... made them so tired... made them so irritated and frustrated and upset... made them think they screwed up my prac when I WAS THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY COCKED THE WHOLE THING UP!!!! made them so busy for nothing... made them feel so anxious and so sorry... SORRY FOR WHAT?!?!?!?! I'M THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO SAY SO!!!!!! i dunno... i hope i won't have to call upon ur help anymore... not cause i don't want to... i dun wanna drag anymore ppl down... made them stay til so late doing nothing and getting so tired... n in the end they had to come up with all ways to get my attn away from that... i'm really... really sorry...
i'm upset not because i know my marks will suffer... as a true musician... u know there is no such thing as a perfect moment... music is never made... it's always in the making... n more often then not miracles always occur in rehearsals not performances or exams... the marks are of secondary importance... the most important thing is i didn't make my mark... i didn't match up to what i could... i knew very well i could have practised much harder and done much more and better... but i just didn't do it... it wasn't my best at all... far from it... totally far... it just so hurts because i knew that was rubbish i played... total crap... the band broke down after syf not because we didn't get a gwh... but because we knew we could have done much better... n now it not only affects me... i've brought down 2 other ppl with me... in the midst of their promos... in the midst of the very important time of the year... i'm really an asshole... wasted their time... wasted their energy... they had to mug at unconventional times in unconventional environments...
also read lhh's blog today... he was complaining about me and llh... realised i such a jerk... sometimes the things i most feared would occur in me has already occurred... i'm just trying to be as nice a person as possible... but perhaps there is no such thing as true kindness and beauty of character... deep down inside i still am that selfish, arrogant, inconsiderate bastard... he is probably rite... i act a 'mr nice guy' (if u even consider me nice) on the outside but ain't no nice guy on the inside... every since sec3 i knew very well all who work with me would probably end up hating me to the core... i dunno but somehow i can feel it... even if it's not hate... but the sense of closeness is never there anymore... DT... lhh... xy... no more there... sometimes i just sense something is wrong... very wrong... n i noe it's not because of them... cos the fault all lies with me... n probably this blog is even a facade... a face... a platform for me to gain pity... to gain sympathy... to... for the benefit of my selfishness... i'm still some 2-faced f-ing bastard asshole deep down under...
stabat mater is really a heart wrenching piece... some ppl can just sacrifice for the whole world yet i can't even do anything for some dear friends but instead drag them down...
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Sunday, September 16, 2007
5:49 PM
5:49 PM
brrrr.....
feeling rather cold now... physically... and mentally... everything has died down... too fast... too quickly... too suddenly... it's really cold in here...
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Tuesday, September 11, 2007
5:11 PM
5:11 PM
i'm sorry... i feel so guilty for doing that... i dunno... i can't seem to help it... i dun wanna disturb u... or smth... i dunno... y am i always like that? i've nvr changed since then... phobia? i dunno... i'm really sorry... felt so cruel and hostile... haiz... i'm just becoming what i've always hated myself to become...
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, September 8, 2007
5:46 PM
5:46 PM
my life?
spent the last few days of hols reading lots of blogs instead of mugging... old old entries... really old ones... somehow i always felt a hinge of sadness after reading other blogs of my friends... u noe sometimes when u wake up u get the feeling that u seem to have lost everything dear to you... the only thing that awaits u is more and more HELL... u seem to feel that your whole life has actually just been a thorough mess and nothing achieved... u feel that u have lived IN VAIN... screw life... when u actually see through life u'll probably noe there's nothing to look forward to cos most of the times what lies ahead for u isn't hope... it's disappointment... oh well... at least reading blogs helped me to know my friends beta... at their moments when life seemed so brittle... n yet they're still standing strong rite in front of me... i really do admire them... relationships do fade... and sometimes it's really amazing (or shocking) how fast they can just disappear... from best friends and buddies to mere acquaintances... as much as i dun wish for that to happen, it IS already taking place... do true friendship really do exist in the first place? or is it just a state of utopia that can nvr be achieved? the reason friendship can weaken so fast, is it because it was built on selfishness for mutual benefits in the first place? because i just like your company, so i stick to u... once i get new friends, U NO LONGER MEAN ANYTHING SO U CAN GET OUT OF MY LIFE?!?!?! i'm really beginning to think so... n if so, den there probably wouldn't be such thing as eternal love at all... anybody, anything, once has outlived its purpose, can cease to exist... so tell me... what then exactly has life to offer u? superficial fame and achievement with all ur degrees and successful entrepreneurship (if it happens to be successful?) or irritating illnesses and diseases that seem to bug u in harassment but nvr seem to just let go, even in the sense of death? or the fact that the very reason u can enjoy such a luxurious life is at the expense of someone else in this world? life just IS a piece of shit...
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Tuesday, September 4, 2007
11:51 PM
11:51 PM
memories...
haiz... just read my few old entries of other people's blog on syf and on etude... all the memories all swarming to me now... i dunno... will it ever be the same again? no doubt people will change n it's inevitable... u just have to live with it... but wallowing in despair and self-pity ain't helping at all, which is probably the best description of the state i am in now... can i ever bring the band to reproduce such bond in the next batch? they say it's always the syf year that makes the diff and we ppl always end up on the non syf yr... gud and bad lah... i was trying to do the same previously with my sec band, convincing them that whether syf or not we still have to do our best, no dropping of standards at all, but look what i've done to them? i really need to think what do we really want out of band life in these 1.5 to 2 years... but really time is really so short for anything... u just knew these ppl and u have to let go so soon... haven't even got to know them well enuf... haven't enjoyed your time... n it's over... IT'S OVER, GET IT? i'll probably never get it... maybe someday we'll c... all the best to saw and guo for their prelims and a's!!!!!! =p ur chicky juniors r behind ur back... maybe we should do smth for them as a band... i dunno... but definitely not put up stupid banners say "all the best" bla bla bla... AS IF IT'LL HELP!!!!! i dunno what can we do for them...
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, September 1, 2007
5:12 PM
5:12 PM
I DON'T LIKE MY LIFE AT ALL!!!!! IT TOTALLY SUX TO THE CORE!!!!!!!
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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