i've been doing funny things these niteZ... last night i watched a hell lot of youtube videos til super late at nite... mostly leonard bernstein's stuff... now i really understand what miss tan was trying to achieve... den today i went on some blog reading spree... no not the most recent entries... but the mainly the super duper duper old entries... only made me feel much more crappier after crappy fluting... the empathy and sympathy for the blogger... the reflection on my totally failure life... the certain things that has turned into fact that made me very very sad... i don't think i'm thinking too much... i keep asking myself - am i overly or under straining myself? the answer i keep getting is that i'm still not pushing myself hard enuf... but then i try... and try... and try... look at what i've become now... dunno wanna talk anyore... heartache, heartache, and more heartaches...