woke up of slp this morn with death lingering in my mind, i dunno y... when ahead with usually early school life in the morn was still thinking about death along the way... i was thinking (sorry, no intention of cursing at all), what if any of u ppl die (u noe who lah), how would i react? and, if i die, how would u all react? i seriously haven't got an answer after so long thinking... i dunno... was listening to pieces on death on the way... american elegy... stabat... den reached sku, went to confirm results... the aep ppl were qutie sad getting crappy results... actually not really crappy, but just could be much beta!!!! that was when another unpleasant news was broken to me... oh well... y i everybody dying nowadays? this is not a joke... there are quite a bit of happenings around me this year that involve death... that rjc triathelete, formerly cat high guy... although i didn't know him, but still a sad story... then after coming back from london 2nd day my grandfather passed away... i regretfully haven't seen him since cny i guess... den the recent spate of events that come so quickly and suddenly... no time... no time at all...

i think it still all boils down to what exactly death means... i dunno... it's just a perception, but makes a big difference on how u c death... to me, it seems not like the loss of somebody... not the absence of somebody... but rather the loss of some character along with that somebody... no one will be there anymore to speak with that tone of language... no one will be there anymore to act like that crazy... no one will be like that person anymore... that face... those beliefs... that behaviour... those words... all no longer exist...

yet death requiems and pieces so many end with beautiful endings... cos many believe it doesn't end there... if fact many believe it's the start of a new chapter, possibly even a liberation... a liberation from the sufferings of this world... a liberation from all evil... a liberation from the dark and cold world... a better life awaits u, so y are we sad for? we should be glad... glad that they have moved on... glad that they won't need to be stuck by these evil grips of realities... but seeing the face in the coffin again, u noe something is not right... u noe he/she is supposed to be moving... u noe he/she is supposed to get up to scold u, to joke with u, to suan u, to play with u, to ... my mum was calling out everytime she went near my grandfather's coffin b4 she breaks down... every single time... i could not resist my tears... not at all... i really dunno... would i cry if boss/mama/ant/aunt/xy dies? (no offense at all) given the hard hearted me, i really dunno... more like, i don't wanna think about it at all... to be cruel, i rather have forgotten them or die earlier than them than to c them die... i am evil...

anyway on a brighter note, my 2nd couZ found the keys back... really God's grace... cos i was telling cao lao shi about it the other day... and she said just pray and wait... yupp i prayed... waited... by the 2nd day it did come back... not coincidentally but by God's grace... he actually boarded the same bus where he lost it and his FRIEND realised the keys still there and so they found it... thank God!!!!