it all started with me making an uneccessary move to register everybody for it... i already suspected it would caused millions of problems to come, but i was like "heck lah, it's musically good for them anyway..." so the whole saga unfolded... first the usual ponners and un-enthu ppl say they can't go, many with invalid/bullshit reasons... i felt: oh what the hell, it ain't my fault anyway, cos these ppl do it all the time... then came the usually complaining but still responsible ones, telling me they can't make it, for certain reasons... i felt: these ppl have their valid reasons and i should be reasonable and excuse them, but i've still don't think i have done wrong... this is followed by those who ARE supposed to be the enthu-and-responsible kia saying they dun want to go... this is already the ultimatum, and makes me wonder whether i have seriously done right... but then the worse happened... the dearest of the dearest all drop out too... at this moment, i finally admit, everything was a mistake on my part...

i'm not being hard on myself... i can just imagine how we were all rebelling against tchrs and principals we all hate during the cat high days... and it's all not very different from what's happening now... what you don't like, just don't do it... simple... students just show their displeasure almost immediately and obviously, because they are in btw the child and adult, the innocence of a child and the troubles of the real adult world...

i didn't want to come out not cause i was angry with you... it was because i couldn't even bring myself to face you ppl... i'm sure after this whole saga i'll have more haters and there'll b ppl also strongly affected other than me... i wished i could reverse time... i wished all this had nvr happened... i wish i had not been so insensitive to caring feelings abundant around me... i wished i was a bm - band member... i wasn't cut out for anything, and now i'm affecting everything, in the negative sense... worries, sorries, madness, sadness, time-wasting, money wasting, everything... i dun wish to hear sorries... cos i'm the one who's supposed to say the sorry... this is the biggest mistake i have made... SO FAR...