had a GREAT and FUN day today!!!! TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! => but then when i finally settled down, i realised there's more things than just the surface... somebody is just so much more suitable to take over me... somebody is just SO much better than me... i'm just a failure afterall... i have led them to nowhere, n yet of no return... yet somebody can just do it... somebody should just TAKE OVER!!!! YES I AM JEALOUS!!!! I'M JEALOUS Y I CAN'T JUST DO IT?!?!?! BUT MORE, I'M SAD 'COS I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!! N IT'S DOESN'T MEAN NOTHING!!!! IT MEANS U'LL JUST HAVE A CRAPPY YEAR AHEAD!!!! I'M SORRY!!!! I JUST CAN'T DO IT AS WELL AS SOMEBODY!!!! U SHOULD JUST LET SOMEBODY TAKE OVER LAH!!!!

each day the situation is getting frm bad to worse... i told myself to stay out of it, cos i knew right frm the start, this was NOT possible!!!! but being a more heart-over-mind person, i just couldn't stay out of it... n worse, each day i'm falling deeper into it... i'm getting so affected by it, everyday i just can't stop myself frm going straight into it... i get upset and disappointed, n still tell myself i'm fine, when i really noe, i'm not... i exaggerate many minor things, and get so sad over small little everyday things... i dunno... i'm still sinking deeper into it, n i just can't stop it!!!! i'm trying very hard, but my heart just isn't following my mind... everyday, i'm getting so close, yet so afraid to reveal it, cos i knew right from the start, it just isn't possible, n if i reveal it, then it's never be the same again... never again... i so wanna say it out, yet m so afraid of saying it out... i dunno... i'm confused... my heart and mind r like the angel n devil bickering against each other... i'm at a lost at what to do... but i only noe, the more it happens, the worse i'm sinking into it... i dun wanna go on like that...