there was a time when somebody was just genuinely happy... where a bdae celebration brought genuine smiles and genuine warmth and genuine happiness to someone... where someone felt a sense of belonging, a sense of unity, a sense of bonding, a sense of friendship... when someone was his/her true self, not needing to hide, not needing to avoid... when someone didn't turn to others company... when someone wasn't troubled by anything or anyone...

but that was that time...

now... it's all over... it's getting very cold... and bitter... small screw-ups become very offensive... ok mayb not small... no longer that same sense of belonging... no longer a united gang... all individuals... with clicks and so on... just because smth changed...

i can't figure out what changed... or rather i can't figure out what's the real cause of the change, because there are simply too many changes that has led to the ultimate change through time... i can't really decide whether it's my fault or not, but i'm sure of one thing - that i'm incapable of mending it, and helping that someone... i've only come to a conclusion that my inner self doesn't c the need of someone in this world... or at least in this gang... the cold practical b****** inside me is just telling me to go along with the current situation, because someone doesn't play that important a role afterall... i've entered into long arguments over this issue, with another person and with myself, ultimately finding out who i really am... n i've put the issue aside quite some time, hoping i'll get well... but when i saw some pictures today, i knew the problem was still there... n i can do nothing about it... i wish i could do smth, n i'm trying, but it seems that everything i do is just worsening the situation... or do i genuinely want to destroy this bond because deep down inside my heart my evil self is just telling me so?