i think i'm blessed with really nice friends... really nice ppl... i feel so bad and evil for not opening the door... i feel so embarrassed and awkward to face u now... after all that u've done for me, and the little that i've done for u, i don't deserve this at all.. it's a non-arguable fact that i was largely responsible for what happened today, n it's nobody's fault that nobody could go for it, esp u too... it was all my wishful thinking right from the start that ruined everything... i ruined ur day... a day that started with hope and fun... a day that started with laughter and smiles... a day that was nvr meant to be rotten... but turned out otherwise because of me... i dunno how to face u all tmr (today)... after not opening the door to at least c what u got for me, after all the effort and pains and money and time wasted to get here... i feel like i'm a bloody JERK, insensitive to others' feelings... i tried my best, but i just couldn't bring myself to answer ur calls... ur calls of care and concern... i'm sorry... i'm really sorry... n u don't have to start bringing all the blame over to ur side now, 'cos the basic problem still lies with me right from the beginning... it'll only make me feel bad to have u blaming yourself thanks to a mistake i started... you all don't have to purposely come out with me and waste more of your time, 'cos i've already wasted enough of it... with such nice ppl like this, what more can i ask for? u've given me the due attention and care and concern, and it's time to care for yourselves too and live a life of your own... stop being bothered by my problems, 'cos u really don't have to... i don't want to bother anybody else with my problems, wasting ur time and everything... u've had enough of my problems and rantings, so please, whether it's for your own sake or to lessen my guilt, please stay the way i always knew u to - the usual cheerful crazy person u r!!!! i shouldn't let my mood swings anybody at all... esp those dear to me... i nvr had a bunch of wackos ever so dear to me... NEVER!!!! n i wish i could just rewind time and had never hurt u ppl... i'm a idiotic jerk...