euu typedd*: blog

Monday, December 31, 2007
2:22 AM

BYE BYE HOLS!!!!!!

*sobs* *sobs* *sobs*

ytd (or rather saturday) probably marked the end of my hols... come wednesday it's gonna be the most dreadful stuff ever again... but anyway hols had a nice ending, if it ain't for some very depressing stuff... but then again, it's just part and parcel of life so i guess it wasn't that bad anyway...

SUPPOSED to have outing with the chicky section b4 sparks concert BUT no one came except for lisa and me... so ate with her at thai express and spent the time talking about old OLD stuff... regrets... haiZZZ... following that was shopping but i guess me being 1. A GUY 2. BORING 3.IDIOTIC was really a good shopping partner!!!!! SORRIES DALAOBAN!!!!! n randomly came across some shop and bought the ULTRA ULTRA BIG BALLOON for anthony and the one with cindy's face for her... felt very very weird holding those things and walking in the shopping centre but it was a really fun experience apart from the ever-existing fear that the balloons might burst... then went to vch super early cos we were afraid that it was going to rain... n so took a lot of photos there (i'm lazy to upload the photos, and it's everywhere else anyway, so go find the other blogs!!!!), slack ard, passed ant and lum the prezzies, and...

haiZ i dunno what happened after that... mayb it was already like that since the afternoon just that i was too insensitive to feel it.. and then again i'm a guy so yupp... anyway enjoyed the concert to bits... finally hearing SOUND!!!!! after being in the small nj band for so long with totally no sound!!!!!!!!!! n n n... ANTHONY AND CINDY WERE THE ULTIMATE PRO!!!!! PRO TO THE POWER OF INFINITY!!!!!!!!! i'm not kidding!!!!! not at all!!!!!!!!! n to whom is self-degrading, aiya seriously i couldn't even tell u were trembling cos it was that firm and refined and projected!!!!!! REALLY!!!!!!!! my conductress used to say miracles all happen not at syf, not at concerts, not at competitions, but at rehearsals... i guess if u were to condemn urself til like that i dunno where to condemn myself to for all my pracs already... now it feels more like i'm the one dragging down everybody... IGNORE MODE SWTICHED ON :P

anyway it was a good concert n i lurved it... just some really sighing moments but i hope it'll soon pass ya? (yea u :D) so yea...

n this hols has been the most enjoyable one ever, in terms of all the outings and stuff, but has been the most unproductive one, cos whether it's music, flute, leadership or academics, i've all failed... and failed terribly... failed to utter disgrace!!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! carry on like that my life is SCREWED!!!!!! not only this period of time, but in fact the WHOLE REST OF MY LIFE IS SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!

oh n 1 final thing: pls PRAY HARD FOR MY SURVIVAL ONCE SCHOOL REOPENS!!!!!!! i'm gonna get bombarded all over for not completing (or even STARTED) hols assignments for every subject... I'M SO SCREWED!!!!!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, December 29, 2007
3:25 AM

"Reflection"

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Thursday, December 27, 2007
1:50 PM

i had a weird dream last night (more like this morning)... i dreamt that band fest hasn't ended... n i dreamt that there was a change in repertoire for fennell... from prelude, siciliano and rondo (no offense against that piece, just that it was the most boring compared to the other 2 pieces) changed to something really really fun... don't have the title nor the tune in my mind, but just remembered it was really REALLY fun with some cute picc parts :D i'll miss the picc (NOT my disgusting piercing airy toneless playing of it) well i guess i am missing some part of band fest, although i keep saying i do not have any attachment to it...

well hols is almost over... and i really am beginning to miss it... this is like the first time i've ever missed a hols... i mean like the rest of the hols were like spent at home slacking at tv, replaying OLD OLD games, and occasionally some flute prac... this is probably my best hols ever, with all the outings and everything, though me still being my lazy spoilt self nvr bothered to find a job... on the whole this hols was different lah... it's the best i guess... i'll nvr b able to c a long hols anymore... next yr's the busy yr, after which comes ns... on 1 hand i hope it doesn't come too fast so i can at least enjoy a nice proper break... on the other hand i wished it would come earlier so i could just get it over and done with soon... hmmm... actually i wished it nvr happened :D but u know that's impossible andrew - STOP DREAMING!!!!

anyway, the delayed flutes christmas outing photos!!!! i shall just post up certain photos since the others have already posted up some too!!!

anthony is damn farnie!!!!

xy trying to act cool with her present

xy's present, which ALVIN spotted :P

mafia's boss' wife and her random assistant

LOOK AT HER EYES!!!!

THIS HAS TO BE THE BEST SHOT EVER!!!!!!!! I'M EVEN PROUD TO HAVE CAPTURED SUCH A SHOT :D:D:D

anthony again!!!! nvr fails to make ppl laugh!!!!

last but not least... my DEAREST SECTION!!!!!!! (yet without my DEAREST MAMA :'-( )

the ending of this hols also means the ending of something dear to me... something that i've found even greater during this hols... n yet now it has to end... in fact i even feel it diminishing already even b4 the end of hols... i knew and expected this ending already and should not be sad... after all, at least i've experienced it and that should already be enough for something that isn't possible to deal results...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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3:19 AM

well at least somebody still cared and bothered to ask... thx to you-know-who :D

anyway today was another unfruitful day yet again... spent the entire day cleaning up my room from the mess that has been there since promos... and it's not even done yet... i think i'll have to sleep amongst the mess tonight... and sku's gonna start soon, and i've just started searching for all my hols assignments... pro me... wait til i get so worked up over not being able to finish on time (definitely) and start throwing my temper... so typical of me to just add stress over myself and break down and expect ppl to pity me... that's the kind of disgusting person i am... so u're reading this blog and u know me, think twice b4 u actually wanna be my friend, cos i'm highly random and explosive (mama will know what this means)...

anyway just had a great time poking fun of 大老板 :D esp her face :D:D and her red-ness :D:D:D haha i'm just so evil beyond redemption :( sorries saw, but i couldn't help it cos i needed to find some entertainment!!!! dun worry i'll miss ~~making fun of~~ u :D

lastly... I SUCK!!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Wednesday, December 26, 2007
2:40 AM

while i had total fun today :D:D:D, throughout the day i've been realising things that really made me disappointed with and hate myself... and some depressing stuff... sorry shan't update on the really cool outing today 'cos i'm too tired and not in the mood at all... will find some time another day ya? shall go knock some sense into my head... knock myself back to reality... STOP DREAMING!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Monday, December 24, 2007
5:02 PM

random memories...

realised my blog has been very boring and depressing recently... so shall post up some very outdated photos =D

my cat high days...

my section in holland just before the competition

haha those were the days... i seriously dunno what i was pointing to or for...

THIS IS THE BEST!!!! was supposed to be the tag on the woodwinds room, but ended up heavily vandalised by my section =D

i couldn't stop laughing when i first saw this picture!!!!

oh manZ!!!! do u see that?!?!?!?! Music from THE INCREDIBLES; conductor - ... once in a lifetime thing!!!!

erm... just a random loony crab...

my orientation days... just pure fun and friendship <3 <3 <3

lynn's in the WRONG UNIFORM!!!!

i dunno how lynn pushed til fishball ended up so high up!!!!

we crazy ppl decided to take this shot after one of our pe lessons... it took much effort just to get this nice one...

ok i think u're getting bored so shall just post more recent stuff... BAND... and ultimately... CHICKY SECTION!!!!

stage band dancers =D when dancing was still a happy thing...

exco 07-08 inception... i seriously look like some meek mouse D:

i simply lurve my section <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

musique!!!! a totally different experience!!!!

this gang holds the EXTRAS - the band guest musicians, the pianists, and the MC (yea she's very important too!!!!) dan and grace looks super funny!!!!

the j1s/ip3s!!!!

of cuZ not forgetting the london trip <3 <3 <3

n THE most RECENT: BAND FEST '07 (pardon the VERY limited and late photos)

fennell band flautists: (left-right) kai li, alexander, me, beven, and alvin

me and alvin ( i appear so short :'-( )

me and jeff (finally i'm tall for once =>)

yea i know everybody's posted up this photo but i just have to, 'cos it's the best part of my life!!!!

that's all for now folks!!!! kope a pic or 2 if 'yer want it!!!! these are the best pictures ever taken!!!! next post: FLUTE SECTION CHRISTMAS OUTING =D =D =D

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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2:35 AM

been wanting to blog about how fun ytd's (or rather 2 days ago) section outing was... but my mood was totally ruined today... got woken by some bloody quarrel between my parents... slack around unproductively though it's almost school reopen alr... tried to prac flute but ended up very bad cos it was as if i was flutter tonguing every single note (u know i can't flutter for nuts, so in simple words, the tone was like playing a note right in the face of a fan)... I'M HELL NOT KIDDING!!!! got so freaking pissed off with myself and sinked into my com til u c me now... i don't want to elaborate more on my stupid day today... just hope to slp it off and wake up afresh tmr!!!! christmas' round the corner n i dun want to be the only one unhappy around...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Thursday, December 20, 2007
1:11 AM

regrets...

life is just split between 2 things - memories and regrets... both are inevitable by products of true existence with meaning, though somehow 1 seems evidently more dominant in your brain... it's impossible to have no regrets at all in your entire life... and worse, the number of regrets somehow increases at an exponential rate as u grow older... it's only my 17th year of living, yet somehow my life already seems filled to many many regrets i've wanted to do yet have failed to do so or never had the chance... how very saddening...

but then think again - life ain't just about the past, whether memories or regrets... it's about the past, present, and the future... how they interlink between each other... if we don't have regrets, then how do we actually find out our goal in life? if we don't have regrets, how do we actually live to desire? or is living just another state of mere meaningless existence? no right? if you were given life, how would you actually live it? if u're gonna live in your regrets, then are u actually living or dead?

while i'm still trying to grasp with the fact that regrets are always here to stay, y not just enjoy and smile through the precious moments of every stage of my life? :D

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Tuesday, December 18, 2007
5:37 PM

yes i mind... i mind that i didn't get it... i mind that i wasn't a part of it... i mind that i'm weaker... i mind that that u're stronger... i mind that i'm a failure... i mind that u can do well in everything... i mind that... I SUCK!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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2:50 AM

the more i hear about it, the worse i feel... it really ain't as easy for me as it may be for the rest of you... i am really not the somewhat nice figure u seem to imagine me to be... i am a narrow-minded, competitive, selfish, childish, overbearing, domineering person... yet i imagine myself to be all that perfect and condemn others... n it really does hurt me, after hearing more and more about everything... take it that i'm a bloody f***er... i just cannot bear with it anymore... u may say it doesn't really matter, but IT DOES TO ME!!!! i realise there are many problems but yet i still want to blindly go ahead with it... RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Monday, December 17, 2007
12:26 AM

all i can see on their faces is happiness... genuine happiness... happiness that was fought for... happiness of having been part of something great... happiness maybe never felt before...

andrew, stop dreaming... some things are never meant to be... or rather... many things are never meant to happen...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, December 15, 2007
10:48 PM

i had 2 nightmares last night... both concerned something dear to me... it didn't have a good ending or story... i'm really scared... scared that all these would happen in reality... but i have a pretty much good idea that many things really can't go ur way... band fest's tmr anyway so i shall try to stay happy =D

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Friday, December 14, 2007
11:57 PM

i won't even pretend that i enjoyed the concert...

no, don't get me wrong... it's not that the concert was bad... the band was good, really good... i haven't heard such rich band sound in a very long while... it's just that i probably wasn't in the correct frame of mind to appreciate the concert put up... wasted $10... partially due to the physical and mental exhaustion after these few days of band fest... but well i think there are more who are much more tired than me, so i shan't complain...

part of the concert was me really getting comfortable and sleeping, hugging my flute as if it's my bolster... the other part didn't go to listening, but rather goes to whether i should have been there... firstly, my heart is probably not even there to listen to the concert, 'cos i'd rather be somewhere else... secondly, i was probably shining too brightly and disturbing others... thirdly, i was thinking of a lot of things, of which i cannot get a answer to...

i realised that i am really a jerk... a mean jerk... will someone please give me a tight slap? the word assume is really so true - to make an ASS of U and ME!!!! me and all my stupid thoughts and assumptions... the me that never grows up, or rather, grows up but never matures...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Thursday, December 13, 2007
10:22 PM

it's already been the umpteenth time people have said this n revealed so much about how they actually mean what they say... they say the flute section is zai - got cindy, and got anthony... ... and got me (andrew)... their faces and the pauses already say everything. honestly, n today i heard that sentence again... ok yes i AM jealous of how well they can play... the word here is JEALOUS, not ENVIOUS... but at the same time i'm also happy i've a good section to be with, to improve and to play with... at least i can feel proud to say i have a good section... but then many a time i really wonder where do i stand? or do i even at all? hahaha sometimes it's really quite ironic that somebody using the instrument for academic purposes can be much much worse that somebody who plays it out of interest... i seriously have never felt the power of motivation from pure interest and aspiration and i doubt i'll have it... hahaha it's really quite funny when sometimes u share a same hate for others practices when actually i really am what i hate...

n... i think someone hates me...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007
11:37 PM

On My Own

And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to go no one to turn to,
Did not want your money sir
I came out here coz i was told to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head.

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

today was just a piling of nice and nasty moments, so much so that i feel really exhausted now... there were times when i felt really depressed... and there were really very hurting moments... i don't know if it's just me that's too sensitive and over-reacting over minor incidents or that i still that very spoilt child who demands so much and throws tantrums whenever he doesn't get it... yet amongst all these unhappiness, there were really beautiful moments too, though brief, but really nice... really great THANKS to lisa who spent her very limit financial resources to buy the sweets from japan!!!!!! TO THINK SHE WAS STILL THINKING OF US THERE!!!!!!! YEA IT'S REALLY BEEN A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME SINCE I'VE SEEN THAT VERY HAPPY LISA FACE!!!!!! OH AND I MUST REALLY APOLOGISE TO MAMA AND BIG BOSS FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO BUY UR BREAKIE!!!!! SOORRRRRRIESSSSS!!!!!! MADE U ALL SO HUNGRY!!!!!!! SORRRIEESSS!!!!! but now the great and depressing moments all jumble up together i can't really decide what to feel... or how i'm feeling... i just know it doesn't feel good... n i hope i'm seriously just over sensitive for most of the things that happened today...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007
1:08 AM

today is probably another terrible day... and yet again, i owe many many sorries to lots of people... i really dunno exactly what was troubling me today, maybe just a jumble and piling up of factors that put me back in that shape... really is not the right time, but i still idiotically fell into the trap... i shan't elaborate on what happened today 'cos i don't want to remember it... it was just pure horrid... i shall try to make this only a one-time event... SMILE ;D

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Monday, December 10, 2007
1:03 AM

BULLSHIT!!!!

just finally finished another batch of tiring things - band farewell/annual dinner!!!! well actually wasn't really tiring for me lah, but it's really very stressful for the WAOs actually ever since they took up the position, yet somehow they dun complain, they dun slack, they just do it!!!! and really, i seriously admire and am very envious of their attitude and seriously wonder whether u people have seriously picked the correct bm... maybe i shouldn't even have ran to be one, if not maybe band wouldn't be such a screw up, neither have such crappy holidays... get someone else to replace me please? 'cos either theresa or daniel is much more capable of leading than me (yes, finally i'm mentioning their names)... and at the end of the whole event, Mr. Ho finally said a very willing good job to me and wensi... hahaha i should be happy right? hahaha but knowing how little i have actually contributed to this event, and with all the incessant whinings, i guess that comment was never meant for me... hahaha how ironic... (hahaha is really not a happy laughter here, so please, don't take it that i'm joking...)

anyway, i left this really ugly burn on my hand while trying to take the chicken out from the oven, and now the looks of it is totally gross... and i think i'm very evil to my section... every single one of them... i left xiang yin waiting at tanah merah mrt for almost an hour, and then came and even forgot to say a sorry... i only bothered lum with more worries and sorries for having to excuse herself from band events, because of valid reasons... i really can't help ant in at least helping to manage the section while he's really busy and treated cruelly... i couldn't make tonight's event at least attendable by guo and saw... i ACTUALLY MISSED OUT LYNN AND BEATRICE FOR TONIGHT!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HOW WOULD U FEEL IF U WERE LEFT OUT OF SUCH AN EVENT??!?!?!?!!? I SERIOUSLY OUGHT TO GO BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL TIL I JUST DIE!!!!!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, December 8, 2007
1:01 PM

RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! i got woken up this morning to be scolded by Mr. Ho!!!!!!! now i see what's his view of me... he scolded me for having no sense of urgency... ha ha... just when I thought it was all getting better... ha ha...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007
12:30 AM

wings...

the first thing that comes to your mind when the word wings is said is probably about flying...

wings are, in the most laymen terms, the substitute for hands in birds and other flying creatures... it's main function is to enable the animal to propel themselves through the air, something which humans have long desired... it became so much a want of the human that so many people tried crazy ideas to fly, with similar made structures, umbrellas, vigourous flapping, of which all failed, til the wright brothers came up with the first successful testing... as such, flying has been treated like a dream, a dream pending to be fulfilled, hoping a miracle would strike and move you through the air... and hence, wings have taken on a new meaning - that of desire and aspiration, that of hope and miracles!!!!

i have no idea when did wings come to have the connotation of protection... big spreading wings which are used to protect whatever dear to one... maybe it's idea of mother hens protecting their little chicks with their wings... the idea of 老鹰捉小鸡, with the mother hen flapping the 'wings' to protect the little chicks behind...

i think wings are beautiful things... many a times we hear of songs having the word wings in it... please give me wings, if i'm not wrong, is taken from a anime of similar desire... singapore idol 06 theme song, you give me wings, is also one of hope and miracle... sometimes u just wished u had wings so that u could fly, and could do anything, just to help somebody or people dear to you... to break free the helplessness of not being able to help those dear and in need... please give me wings...

anyway, i just read about 5cm per second and i wanna watch it... yea i'm quite outdated, but for those who're even more outdated than me, 5cm per second is an anime movie... dun ask me the exact story... just go google it and u'll know... it seems very touching from what i've heard... i wanna watch it...

hopes for the day:
mama gets well!!!!
saw is happy Hokkaido-ing!!!!!!
retard can come for this sun's farewell dinner and yet still perform!!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Tuesday, December 4, 2007
2:42 AM

to express the inexpressible...

the past 2-3 hours has been spent purely on music... REAL music, unlike the one that comes out from my flute... oh manZ dug out SO many treasures from youtube... i even found chaminade's concertino being played with a BAND accompaniment... OMG lah!!!!!!!! the band was ok lah, but the flautist was DAMN pro and he looked SO RELAXED throughout, n i'm like dying when i haven't even crossed the 1st page!!!!!!!! oh manZ i guess i can nvr use flute as a profession in this lifetime... it's really nothing compared to the outside world... and even the world around me, like the someone who's on ignore mode...

n n n... i REALLY REALLY miss conducting... i didn't realise i missed conducting SO much til today when i realli wanna conduct something and was conducting in front of the com!!!!!! like at 1am in the night... and mind u my com is very near the window too so everybody else can see... aiya i'm used to it liaoz... i've often been caught in embarrassing situations when i'm so engrossed in conducting (air) that i don't even realise my parents were beside me... and then my mother will always poke fun of me... oh well i don't think it's really funny anyway... yea n my dad... he'll not even bother to care what i was doing... aiya i've never been able to see eye to eye with him in anything regarding music... he ALWAYS condemns me whenever i perform something or go for a competition... i remember last yr i conducted my sec sku band incredibles and really (not boasting) i felt it was quite good... my flute tutor said it was good and asked me to conduct the church choir, some sso guy approached me and asked me to contact him so he can direct me to higher grounds, ms tan was happy (something that i really desired so badly)... but the dad said it was bad, and just the next day afternoon we got into a heated arguement over my conducting... he said i was conceited and didn't want to welcome undesirable comments... but really, i heard his comments and felt they were not valid and TRIED explaining and he got all so defensive and accused me of NOT listening... i really wonder WHO was not listening... so now, i don't even bother asking him anything about music...

oh well ms tan has left cat high band and even left teaching cat high primary... she even changed her hp so that NOBODY can contact her, esp the band alumnis... haiZ dunno y she's like that... if she's feeling guilty i really don't think there's a need to, 'cos the silver at syf was only a continuation of MY mistake, a blow dealt so heavily on everybody... no amount of sorries will ever suffice... well i hope ms tan will have a better future...

and there's really something else i wanna say all along, but i really can say it, whether it's to the person him/her-self or in this blog... first i know it's probably gonna be a disappointing response, so maybe i'm afraid to break it... 2nd it'll affect FOREVER the bonding, so again the wimpy me is afraid of disclosing... i guess this secret can go with me til i die, just like my last major one that's still stuck in my head...

anyway on a brighter note, glad retard's done well in her job and got a laptop, like HER WISH IS FULFILLED!!!!!!!!! hahahah time for some HAVOC!!!!! hahah jkjk... sometimes i just admire how some people are able to take things so positively and move on... the weak me collapses at every single obstacle... n hope saw and guo had a good grad niteZ!!!!!!!!!

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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1:44 AM

i never knew it was THAT beautiful...
as someone always says, 感动 :'-)

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Monday, December 3, 2007
2:07 AM

i think journey is a really beautiful and meaningful song...

i'm quite jealous of people who have a really bonded class... though i'm not in the class, but definitely i can sense their togetherness and bondings around the class... i believe it's not easy that a class could actually become so together, and i am touched by what they really do for each other... it's not something that comes easy, but they've got it... maybe there's a reason behind all this, but whatever that is, the class will definitely remember their moments together, years after... too bad i can never have a class that's like that... this is probably my last class of my life, n regretfully, neither do i wanna bond together with them... dunno y, but seeing them, i just don't feel like... to think i don't even know some of their names to date... ha ha ha...

i think most precious memories of childhood leaves together with jc... it marks the end of your dreamy world and starts the nightmare of the harsh realities of life... i really don't have the courage to step on, to move right on... it's like giving up all these wonderful happy memories and moving on into a totally alien and cold world... it's quite scary that i don't even have much of a recollection of the primary school years... it's really scary... who knows how long (or short) will i take to forget most of my current life? 1yr? 2yrs? yet to move on is a must, unless u rather be a mentally handicapped person... but that means really letting go of everything... yupp yea yea u still can maintain contact bla bla bla... but how long can u sustain it? 1st wk of sec1 my best friend from primary school still called me and chatted over the phone... 1st term holiday of sec1 we went to watch a movie... after that i nvr saw him again except for tchr's day when i go back to school... hahaha so much for being best friends... the whole ideology of 不在乎天长地久, 只在乎曾经拥有 is really scary... it's just saying everything will fade someday... yes i know it'll fade, n it's just really scary... worse, if th ending turns foul and friends turn foes... it automatically erases EVERYTHING that was good previously, just because of one probably childish incident...

how ironic is life, when u rather had not lived...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Sunday, December 2, 2007
5:06 PM

when a blog no longer remains a blog...

after today, i conclude, i'm totally useless... there are so many things i just wanna do today... yet they all either cmi, no courage to do it, cannot convince others to do it together... n i think i owe a hell lot of sorries to many people... and there are also quite some things i'm upset and frustrated about, but considering the viewership of my blog, i shall not vent it out here... so much for having a blog...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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12:58 AM

beautiful!!!! (i mean the playing...)

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Saturday, December 1, 2007
11:48 PM

gRRRRRRRR... don't feel too good today... zZzZz... but shall try to stay happy...

woke up after barely sleeping, choing for music lesson... was half asleep throughout the lesson... ok the notes and lecture was slightly better today... no actually much better... no i'm not saying that the slides had been bad or something, but somehow today i could pay more attention and not get semi-lost in lesson like i always do... lesson was finally more happy after quite a long while...

after that went to get band fest scores and was sorting them out in the band room... crapZ dunno how to pass to u all esp when there's no band prac for so long... haiZ... stupid... i was trying to look for my 2nd flute scores but couldn't find them... referred back to the list and realised i was changed to 1ST FLUTE/PICCOLO!!!!!! i was like OMG!!!!!! WHEN THE H*** DID I CHANGE TO PICC!?!?!? n i really can't play picc for nuts one... now my embrochure is already crappy and spoilt, now add picc even worse... GRRRRRRR....

went to bishan to meet spas to pass her scores and shun bian eat lunch together... NO NOT WHAT U THINK, just lunching with somebody is better than lunching alone at home... ate yoshi... (YEA MY MAMA TOO!!!!) was trying to c whether anybody wanted to go visit retard as a chicky section, but sadly none... haiz... was hoping tmr can, but end up still most ppl can't... haiZ... oh wells...

anyway came back home and prac flute and picc... ok i OFFICIALLY DECLARE: MY EMBROCHURE HAS BECOME A WEAK PIECE OF S***!!!! really bad... tried playing the picc for less than 5mins... went back to flute, TOTALLY couldn't play the low notes already... GRRRRRR... i took like almost a yr before i could really double as picc and flute in sec3 n it wasn't that good either then... let alone now left with less then 2 weeks when i haven't touched the picc in ages (string's concert not counted, cos that was really really bad playing on the picc!) so fennell band, just try not to laugh at me when i make stupid mistakes and really cmi... cos i really do mind... GAHHHHH...

anyway tmr's retard's last day of work... wanted to at least give her a surprise with the chicky section but by the looks of it, it's not gonna happen... it'll be really wierd and stupid and time wasting for retard if i go there alone and just give gummies... zZzZz... sorries, i guess i'll not be ard tmr then... shan't bother busy u...

on a lighter note, things are finally better with mama :) yupp all along it was always me causing the problem lah, n i'm really glad that it's somewhat over, n mama's not really that angry alr... i owe mama lots of green teas!!!!!!!!!

oh i seriously need to add to my chicky section owe list again:

21) Owe loads to mama for scolding me awake and getting so upset and frustrated over my tiny weeny problem
22) Owe loads to big boss for the fun time at her BIG BIG house, carding, table-soccer-ing, hamstering, crapping, chicken-ing bla bla bla...
23) Owe loads to retard aunt (RA) for supporting in the chicky delivery plans so much that it at least could be implemented
24) Owe loads to RA for listening to all my incessant irritating complains
25) Owe loads to ant for calling all the ppl for tune although nobody ultimately came...
26) Owe loads to RA for travelling all the way for a failed chicky delivery plan...

again the list is non exhaustive... u really can c how much i really owe my dearest chicky section... i really will miss mama and boss... i really can't repay them to eternity... i think it'll take a couple of lifes, if there is afterlife... but someone keep rejecting my treat... well someday when i lose patience trying to get to treat u, i'll probably sneak the money in somewhere... if not really waste someone's hard earned money lah...

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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12:32 AM

INTERNAL CONFLICT!!!!

RAAAAHHHHHH!!!! oh manZ today has been a day of ups and downs!!!!!

started off with me trying to prac flute in the morn... but IT SOUNDED TOTALLY HORRIBLE!!!!! n i'm really dead serious :( it's like all along i've always been sounding bad, but today was really down to a level beyond redemption manZ!!!!!!!!!! my high notes have become piercing beyond tolerence, the low notes airy and crappy, middle register toneless... spoilt REALLY CROOKED embrochure... RAAAAHHHHH!!!! ok then i told myself to just hope for the better during nie prac and stay happy :)

then went to find retard working at the expo... oh manZ i was really really late 'cos i went to get gummies... and the stupid cashier was really crappy n she screwed up many many things n so the whole queue was just waiting for like 15-20mins... n mind u i was just after the problem customerS so yea i can't imagine how furious the rest were behind me... oh well but i guess it's just a down-hill day for her n i think she really feels terrible... yea we all get such days some/many times...

anyway after that went to find carmen to find lum... oh manZ i realise i am really a frog in the well (井底之蛙)... it's like this is the first time i've ever been to expo and i'm getting lost lah... then i was trying to find carmen and we passed each other without even knowing it!!!! she went out to find me and i went in to find her!!!!!! wa how idiotic can i be?!?!?!? finally found her and then went to find retard... took quite a long time, so yea RETARD AIN'T THAT BLIND AFTER ALL!!!!!! but well we were quite hesitant on whether to approach her anot and were staring from afar... gave her 2 calls but she didn't realise... then finally carMAN went to lum and found her!!!!!!! haha DUN CRY DUN CRY NO NEED SO 感动!!!!!!!! and seriously, i really 佩服 retard!!!!!! if it's me, first i wouldn't even bother applying for a job given my lazy and spoilt character!!!!! 2nd, i think i won't be able to sell even any laptop lor... oh manZ y must ALL the girls i know be so zai!??!!?!?! (this sounds so sexist!!!!!) so WHO says this is a male dominated world?!?!?!? and anyway yea we delivered the gummies and went off very soon, cos didn't want the disturb lum from working (that's the MAIN reason ok!?!?!?) and we were going to be late for nie prac too!!!!

yupp that was the happy part of the day... rushed dinner down my stomach and headed to nie... as usual not many ppl again... actually pathetically few ppl... but flutes got more ppl today... SADLY, NONE FROM MY CHICKY SECTION CAME :'-( LEFT ME ALL SO ALONE!!!!!!! oh manZ and i really sounded bad, like worse than what the morning gave me so i only felt very rotten... zZzZz... just wanted to go home manZ... but oh well i stayed on... n it turned out not so bad... no i dun mean my playing but the pieces played... oooooo lengendary prelude and to the sea is really beautiful... esp to the sea (if i'm not wrong of the title)... oh man it's almost near infinite sky alr... but infinite sky's nicer :) anyway and the person beside me wasn't all so tao so i didn't feel that bad... and he played OK (not like very nice but ok lah) despite having a bad sore throat, oh man i feel so pale in comparison in my playing...

anyway band ended quite late and here i am talking to u... although i dunno who u are... hahah music lesson in 7 hrs time... WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!?!?!?! hahahaha yea n the hopes of organising another visit with the chicky section this time to c retard is bleak... oh manZ EVERYBODY'S SICK!!!!!!! n mama's having fever!!!!!!! rest well ya? hopefully u recover soon and we can all go c lum together!!!!!! me loves my section...

well u can c my whole day other than visiting lum has not been good but i shall, for the sake of some people, remain happy and smiley!!!!! => now u know y's the title INTERNAL CONFLICT?

to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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