the past 2-3 hours has been spent purely on music... REAL music, unlike the one that comes out from my flute... oh manZ dug out SO many treasures from youtube... i even found chaminade's concertino being played with a BAND accompaniment... OMG lah!!!!!!!! the band was ok lah, but the flautist was DAMN pro and he looked SO RELAXED throughout, n i'm like dying when i haven't even crossed the 1st page!!!!!!!! oh manZ i guess i can nvr use flute as a profession in this lifetime... it's really nothing compared to the outside world... and even the world around me, like the someone who's on ignore mode...
n n n... i REALLY REALLY miss conducting... i didn't realise i missed conducting SO much til today when i realli wanna conduct something and was conducting in front of the com!!!!!! like at 1am in the night... and mind u my com is very near the window too so everybody else can see... aiya i'm used to it liaoz... i've often been caught in embarrassing situations when i'm so engrossed in conducting (air) that i don't even realise my parents were beside me... and then my mother will always poke fun of me... oh well i don't think it's really funny anyway... yea n my dad... he'll not even bother to care what i was doing... aiya i've never been able to see eye to eye with him in anything regarding music... he ALWAYS condemns me whenever i perform something or go for a competition... i remember last yr i conducted my sec sku band incredibles and really (not boasting) i felt it was quite good... my flute tutor said it was good and asked me to conduct the church choir, some sso guy approached me and asked me to contact him so he can direct me to higher grounds, ms tan was happy (something that i really desired so badly)... but the dad said it was bad, and just the next day afternoon we got into a heated arguement over my conducting... he said i was conceited and didn't want to welcome undesirable comments... but really, i heard his comments and felt they were not valid and TRIED explaining and he got all so defensive and accused me of NOT listening... i really wonder WHO was not listening... so now, i don't even bother asking him anything about music...
oh well ms tan has left cat high band and even left teaching cat high primary... she even changed her hp so that NOBODY can contact her, esp the band alumnis... haiZ dunno y she's like that... if she's feeling guilty i really don't think there's a need to, 'cos the silver at syf was only a continuation of MY mistake, a blow dealt so heavily on everybody... no amount of sorries will ever suffice... well i hope ms tan will have a better future...
and there's really something else i wanna say all along, but i really can say it, whether it's to the person him/her-self or in this blog... first i know it's probably gonna be a disappointing response, so maybe i'm afraid to break it... 2nd it'll affect FOREVER the bonding, so again the wimpy me is afraid of disclosing... i guess this secret can go with me til i die, just like my last major one that's still stuck in my head...
anyway on a brighter note, glad retard's done well in her job and got a laptop, like HER WISH IS FULFILLED!!!!!!!!! hahahah time for some HAVOC!!!!! hahah jkjk... sometimes i just admire how some people are able to take things so positively and move on... the weak me collapses at every single obstacle... n hope saw and guo had a good grad niteZ!!!!!!!!!