up til now, i've always knew i have a really good bunch of band members and band exco to help me...

but only up til now, i've realised i've been the worse fellow band member and leader they have...

and so mr ho realised it too... n i highly suspect he did it on purpose... well just about time he realised anyway... today's practice was just... indescribable... never one moment did i not feel like just giving way and just collapse... i just simply hate my sad life... i can't find anymore reason to love it... i'm just suffering from my own actions now, so no point blaming others or the third dimension for not giving me chance or such... today's path is what i've made for myself... n i'm glad i did... 'cos i can obviously see a change in the rest already... to be exact, it's an improvement... it just all goes to show how much i'm destroying... it's really time for me to just fade away...

i'm really hurt... but i've to go on...