the day has been really cold...

i really dread waking up every morning to have to face people i hate and people i can bring myself to face... placed in situations which i want and yet don't want to be a part off... i really hate my life... i dun want to live like this, but this IS it... i hear ur laughter and c ur smile, ur son's getting pissed at me alr, u both settle the flute section and the band... like what lisa said, i'm totally redundant and useless... i really hate life... go to school, get blamed for everything, have to pretend to hate u people, have to endure ur happiness without me... come back home STILL have to pretend to be happy and as if nothing has happened in my life... mum asks me how was school, i just smile and say it was good, and she believes it... i really dun c anything in life to cling onto anymore... and it's all my fault...

sitting at the bus stop the whole afternoon doing nothing really just makes me feel like if i drop dead now, i'm sure nobody will care... u deleted ur post, i dunno for what, hopefully (or not) to forget me... hp gang is really the 3 of u all already, cos u all have gone thru thick and thin together... even if i want to go back, it'll be really selfish and difficult cos u all have grown to be stuck together...

i can't find my place now... i feel like i dun want to go to school... neither do i want to go home, cos it just sucks... it's never the warm home that i can find comfort in...

ya lah everything is my fault lah... u think i'm happy and dun care... u think i hate u... i rather it remains like this, so u can hate me back and totally forget me...

i want to cry...