so fast and it's near the end of the week already...

i really do hate my life... everyday is like a potential breakdown day... n i'm really confused... i wish u cared, yet i want u not to care... it's all a paradox... i wished u know, yet don't want u to know... i'm really sorry if i'm the cause for any unhappiness... but from what i see it as... i hear laughter and sense happiness... so much of them... without me... u all are getting used without me already... n i'm both happy and not happy... i really don't think i can live without u all... everyday going to the band room hoping to c u all... in the end most of the times u all go home already... even if i do c u, i totally ignore u... i dunno what i want... i'm doing things to hurt myself and have nobody else to blame for it... n... i'm really useless and redundant... i'm really so used to being like that already, spoiling everything and anything... i really wish to do well... but it's not coming through... attention is all on the rest... n i'm really sore about it... but i only have myself to blame...

screw life... just leave me alone...