someday...

will that someday ever come?

my life's a mess... i'm out of practically everything i hold dear now... practically what my life hinges on is now gone... everyday is just a dreaded routine of self deceit, self induced happiness... dread doing work, dread going for band... stare at the com the whole night, always online but never of use...

u may think i dun care, and i really dun care what worse stuff u're thinking of me already... just wish for u to be happy... for u all to be happy... i wish to wish u all a happy chinese new year, but i dun want to create the wrong impression that i'm fine now and go back and destroy everything u had... forget it... i'll just wish u from my hidden heart...

band yesterday sucks... without u the section sounded like shit... ok rather... i sounded like shit... even ur son is 10 times better than me...

i pray for everything to be well for u all... i really do hope so, no matter what u're all thinking of me now...

my life is empty now...

i'm telling u to let go... but i dunno if i can...