u noe? sometimes.. i really do miss u.. though i noe it's nvr ever going to be possible..

n so prelims is over :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :( grrr... can't decide which face to use :( 'cos like i'm glad it's finally partially over for this wk and this term, but really this is really my worst ever done papers.. EVER!!!! both my phy and chem paper 3s is not even about passing anymore - i really just hope i dun get below like 20, which just by looking at what i did, is quite impossible.. maths obviously i dropped in standards like nobody's business.. and gp was the worst compre i've ever done in my life, no matter how bad cat high's was.. haiZ.. n i realised another thing - i've lost any ability of perseverance.. even in a 2 hour paper, just within the first hour i already dun feel like doing and want to go home.. badly.. n end up doodling the other half of the paper.. maths was worse cos it's 3 hours :( :(

ytd (friday) was tchr's day celebration.. i feel very very bad to mr seow.. din get anything for him this year, neither studied for the mock prelim that he took time to prepare.. even mentioned 'din get anything for him' so loudly to xinyu that i think he heard and understood the moment he came in just at the end of the sentence.. i noe he's very disappointed in me alr, with the so many incidents between us.. first the flute tutorial lies, then the composition, then the pianists and sting players.. i really feel very mean and guilty and bad.. i'm really sorry.. it's not your fault, i have really lost interest in music as a subject, and really wish to quit, but impossible at this period of time.. my flute is beyond hope now.. i'm very tired, tired of being trapped in this vicious cycle, tired of going back to lessons again and see the concerned mr seow trying all means to help the self-degrading me, even follow-ups.. i admit - i'm running, i'm trying to escape alot of things, responsibilities.. not answering calls, giving excuses, avoiding u.. the barrier is alr formed between me and u.. i can't go back to who i am anymore.. i'm really sorry...

somehow i miss sec4 life.. a always cheerful and optimistic me, ready to face any challenges that come on.. now? ...

read this quote from cathi's blog.. felt it meant alot..

lastly, several days of listening to music after music makes me realise 1 thing: simplicity is beauty. so many different kinds of music, lots of karajan and romanticism, some bernstein, some de meij planet earth, some piano stuff, some pop stuff as well.. but it's only when the complication ends that i feel so at ease and touched by the music, like in pop and planet earth.. when cheemness seems distant, when live was just about smiling.. i think y ppl like tv is also for the same reason - that situations of ideality can only be found there, n seeing ppl, real or virtual, achieve it after much obstacles really makes one feel contented.. though it's not even happening to u.. that is the power of happiness..

it doesn't matter now.. as long as u r happy..