Tuesday, June 28, 2011
1:59 AM
1:59 AM
yesterday, i turned 21.
no fanfare, no pompus, just a simple cake with the family.
only wish of happy birthday came from a friend i kinda expected but wasn't really looking forward to (still i'm very grateful)
somehow, this is yet another of those days i dunno whether to just scream out 'life's a bitch' or be appreciative of what i already have (or just blame myself for the outcome). several times, i visioned myself just drunk n crying to myself, for exactly what i can't pinpoint, but with a very heavy melancholic heart. i feel like a spoilt brat (and hence guilty) but then, i don't really feel guilty (anybody understands that irony?)
i'm 21yo now, n counting.. like a flash of light, childhood memories float so real yet so distant in my mind.
alright, i need to rant. life sucks. fuck my life.
no fanfare, no pompus, just a simple cake with the family.
only wish of happy birthday came from a friend i kinda expected but wasn't really looking forward to (still i'm very grateful)
somehow, this is yet another of those days i dunno whether to just scream out 'life's a bitch' or be appreciative of what i already have (or just blame myself for the outcome). several times, i visioned myself just drunk n crying to myself, for exactly what i can't pinpoint, but with a very heavy melancholic heart. i feel like a spoilt brat (and hence guilty) but then, i don't really feel guilty (anybody understands that irony?)
i'm 21yo now, n counting.. like a flash of light, childhood memories float so real yet so distant in my mind.
alright, i need to rant. life sucks. fuck my life.
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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Sunday, June 12, 2011
1:37 AM
1:37 AM
sometimes i really do think i live a really pathetic life. monotonous n boring with basically no interest in anything, so end up looking like a sua-gu. friends all chased away by yours truly, myself. capabilities are like zero, my musical abilities are really down the drain (if i had any to start with). i honestly dunno what i'm living for and i really really do want to breakdown n cry occasionally. what i have, i do not treasure. what i cannot attain, yet i hanker. i feel like a fucking loser who blames everybody for my fucked up life but actually have only myself to blame for everything. fml, seriously.
staying in fairyland is not doing me any good. but neither does waking up to reality appeal to me any better. i cannot stay put any longer, but i dun wanna move on at all, cos i see no future at all. not at all. only the pathetic dreams of talent and fame that i know i will never achieve but yet still think it possible.
slap me.
to engrave in memory or to bury foreva?
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